My little buddy looked so cute this morning, I had to post this picture! 

Some thoughts

I was thinking on the ride in to the store today about some science issues on my mind. Yesterday I heard, on 1370 Connection, a discussion about the First Amendment and high school students. About how today's youth seem to be a lot more tolerant of restrictions on free speech, and free press, then previous generations.

It may have been quite a leap to make, but it got me thinking that science specialists are really a tricky idea. My basis for saying that is that everything is connected, the idea that a butterfly beating it's wings in china can, through connections cause a hurricane in the Caribbean is a bit of a stretch but it supports what I am trying to get at. Forty years ago there was Biology and there was Chemistry, but as our knowledge and understanding of the interconnectedness of reality has grown, we now have Bio-chemistry. It seems to me that this can be related to many more fields.

My favorite being physics and astronomy, two more connected fields. But I will save that for another time, after I shake the potty-training out of my head. I think it was Feynman, or possibly Brian Greene, who said that anyone who isn't totally bewildered and amazed at quantum physics doesn't really understand it.

In my view you really can't have psychology(the study of one person's mind) without sociology(the study of a group of people's minds). No one is alone, except for Tom Hanks' character in Castaway, but that is unrealistic, because everything and everyone in his life before that made him who he was.

The same as everyone alive.

I guess what I am getting at is that for as many specialists, I think there should be "generalists", connecting the pieces and drawing different items and specialists together. Who knows how many different pieces of information out there could be invaluable to another person or project. If anything it might just prevent duplication or overlapping of different people's work. In my opinion peer-reviewed journals or magazines, valuable for verifying work and data, just aren't sufficiant for this.

Someone who I think perfectly fits into what I have been thinking is Steve Squyres from the Mars Rover NASA missions. He is a manager type of guy, who is really good at communicating more complex ideas in a thoughtful and uncomplicated way. That is why he has been doing such much of the public relations work with the Rover project, including 2 episodes of NOVA, and countless press interviews. That type of communication is critical for what I am getting at here. Some people find it impossible to talk about their work or hobbies without resorting to all their jargon or technospeak, but it takes a talented person to be able to bring their information to someone who isn't as immersed in whatever the specialty happens to be.

Just something to think about!

It's gonna be a long, long time, before I can cross that finish line.

I need to get together a birthday request list......March 4th, people!

I can't decide.....I think that I am going to ask for just gift cards for Best Buy for my birthday.

On top of greatly simplifying the shopping for the relatives, the items that I can't choose between would be purchased there.

What I really can't decide on, is what to use it for. Originally, I was thinking that I would just buy a half-way decent laptop. Not that we need such a thing, but it would be nice for watching movies away from home, or file-sharing with Kyle (even though we only hang out once every few months.....).

But over the last week or so I have thought that I could just purchase a portable DVD player ($150-$800), and get a new desktop PC with a lot more juice than the same amount would get for a laptop. Really, the only things that I need to be happy on a new system is a DVD burner, and the capacity to just plug in my current hard drive, in addition to the one it would come with, and be up and running, in seconds. Not sure.

Oh, and if there are any wealthy benefactors who might be cruising my site in search of a nice person to make a contribution to.....I can't think of anyone more deserving then myself!

Quiz from link on Kyle's site.

"our distinct personality, The White Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Don Quixote was a White Knight as was Joan of Arc, the Lone Ranger and Crusader Rabbit. As a White Knight you expect nothing in return for your good deeds. You are one of the true "Givers" of the world. You are the anonymous philanthropist who shares your wealth, your time and your life with others. To give, is its own reward and as a White Knight you seek no other. On the positive side you are merciful, sympathetic, helpful, giving and heroic. On the negative side you may be impulsively decisive, sentimental and misdirected. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms."

Check it out here.

Shhhhh......

Don't tell, but right now I am blogging at work. I had to jump on here and talk about something. Currently, in the store is an interview occurring over in our little sitting area. A couple of women came in and got a couple of coffees and one of them is interviewing the other for a nanny position. It is a wildly wonderful conversation that I am trying not to listen to. A glimpse into the schedule of another family. Nap schedules and daily routines, I feel voyeuristic listening to it, but it is interesting. The women who is the nanny seems like such a positive and nurturing women, she said she has been married for 24 years, and has 3 boys.

The Nanny is talking about what she likes to do with the kids, swimming, parks, walks, library time, picnics. Envy, envy, envy.

I guess that I have been feeling a little disappointed that we have only one car lately. I am very convinced that I can handle Holly and Ryan out and about by myself, I have on numerous occasions, but just being able to do things during the day (storytimes, parks, museums, and grocery shopping) would be actually fun. I feel massive guilt about the fact that Holly and Ryan are stuck at home with me all day. They get tired of me. Just this afternoon Holly was whining and crying and tired, telling me that it was time for me to leave to go to work, and then I left and she was the picture of good behavior for Michelle all night. If there are no errands during the day, the hours stretch out so much.

Lots to think about, maybe I need to find a higher paying part time gig, or I will give in to Michelle wanting to be the stay-at-home parent. If I can defy the odds and find some job that pays more then she is being paid now (not bloody likely), maybe things will change soon.

You ever wonder whether we would be able to eradicate a large amount of contagious diseases by having everyone in the world stay home for three days. In my thoughts, that would allow everyone to get over the "contagious" phase of most diseases, therefore radically reducing the amount of people who could become infected.

Funny stuff.

Your Element Is Earth

You excel at planning and strategizing. You could be a champ at chess or Survivor. Well grounded, you are able to be realistic and rationalize. On the inside, you have a hard core. It's tough to phase you. You are super productive, and you are able to think anything through. Focused and super charged, your instincts are a good guide for your next step.

What's Your Element?

I am going to be cranky.

Just a few things that have been on my mind lately....pissing me off.

1) Newlyweds Nick and Jessica are in their third season. Just how long is it before you are no longer considered newlyweds. Three years is definitely past that point! Plus the only reason that their show is still on is because Jessica Simpson is a hottie. If it was just two people from this dimension, that show would have tanked long ago.

2) Freddy and Kendra won the Amazing Race 6. These two models have about a teaspoon of charisma and an ounce of intelligence between them and the only reason that they won was chance. Sheer luck. Luck in the airport, and luck in getting a taxi.

3) I was thinking about American Idol, and how this one guy who sucked, and was skewered by Simon said that he never even performed in front of Simon. The producers that he did perform in front of were no bodied, and the show even admitted it was "creative editing" but that those were Simon's true reactions when he saw the tape of the off-key horror. It just seems a little sleazy when a show does something like that without being up front about it. Makes you wonder how many other times it has happened.

4) I think I have a crappy router. I occasionally set up my computer to perform large downloads all night, but more often then not, when I get up in the morning, my computer has lost its internet connection, and wasted a lot of time not downloading. That never happened before I attached a router to the cable modem set-up that I have. Maybe when I get our tax refund I will purchase a wireless router, and send this NETGEAR piece of crap back due to warranty issues. Then sell the replacement on eBay. Wireless routers are capable of using the Ethernet cables that we currently have, it would just make it so that any future computers we purchase (hahaha) would be able to use wireless instead of being tethered to our library room (Sounds better then saying the other half of our living room, which has a ton of packed bookshelves).

5) Since I am being cranky, I am still pissed at a lot of other things, including Border's Books and Music in Rochester, NY, for being completely unreasonable about giving me time off for special events, such as MY WEDDING, THE BIRTH OF MY DAUGHTER, AND THEN A YEAR LATER THE BIRTH OF MY SON. If I hadn't been there when they told me that if I needed time off I would have to quit, and then put in an application when I was ready to come back. I was only a SUPERVISOR requesting two weeks of unpaid leave, after serving that store for more then 4 years. In terms of a retail job, that was quite a lot of seniority that I had built up, and it didn't count for squat.

6) I have never known the power of such destruction as a 2 year old, and a 3 year old. In the space of a heartbeat, Ryan and Holly can absolutely make it so that you can't see the floor in the living room. Is this normal!!!!!???? I can't imagine how it would be with one child, but these two definitely build off each other, and push each other to greater lengths. Usually that is good, but sometimes we all suffer.

7) And lastly, do you know how depressing (Thursday and Friday nights) it is to spend and hour or so making a nice dinner, and then have to leave without being able to sit down with the family and enjoy it. I zip off to work, and end up with a tupperware of leftovers, or a boring, boring, boring sandwich. I value my time at work, it is nice to get out of the house, but that is probably one of the toughest parts about leaving.

I'm an Artiste! 

They don't stay young for long! (From over the summer, we didn't go outside in such skimpy clothes very recently.) 

Change.

Ryan has been a temperamental little bubblehead lately. He won't lie back and let us change his diaper. We have him lie down and he squirms trying to get away, saying "Noooooooo."

After Holly watched him perform this, for the thousandth time, she turns to me and says "Ryan doesn't like change."

I told her: "Most people don't, honey. Most people don't."

Husbandry

I am sick and tired of all the husbands on TV shows like Supernanny, and Trading Spouses, and all those types of shows, being utter and complete clueless bastards. I have watched some of these shows, but I find myself getting too angry to watch them more then a couple times.

How can they really delude themselves into thinking that raising children is simple or easy. They go about their full-time jobs like ostriches with their head in the sand, not WANTING to know everything that the stay-at-home mothers are dealing/coping with. Can you really blame the wives for coming close to nervous breakdowns when those idiots pay no attention to, or have not a drop of concern for the physiological well-being of their spouses.

Maybe the men think that they have stressful, or tiring jobs, out there from 9-5 (boo-hoe).....but they are getting PAID to do those jobs. We are all whores for whatever job that we are doing, we choose the jobs we work at.. Those idiots are receiving fair compensation for whatever goes on while they are at work. Deal with it, the one at home isn't getting paid, essentially is volunteering their time and isn't getting the satisfaction of a paycheck, hence the lack of something fundamental in terms of fulfillment. Sometimes the home whores need some more then just extra work, and more grief, when the spouse gets home from work.

Kyle is gonna like this one!!!!

You Are the Very Gay Winnie the Pooh!

Come on, he doesn't wear pants! And he's a little too obsessed with Christopher Robin

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

I've been wondering:

If there is a reason that ever since I have been forgetting to turn the electric blanket down before I go to sleep, I have been having a lot more dreams that I am cooking to death in a gigantic oven?

Strangely Disconcerting.....

I was engaging in one of my meditation techniques. Watching the washing machine "agitate" the clothes. However today, I was made somewhat uneasy when there was a bubble of air caught in my underwear, and it wouldn't go under the water.

Oh, the underwear wasn't on my person......so don't get all scared for me......

A quote from the radio.

I was listening to Talk Of the Nation - Science Friday on NPR and the guest said something that made me run and write it down. They were talking about false memories.....something that has been in the news lately.

"Everything in the world is either psychology or physics. There is commonly a difference between what we think is real and what we know is reality."

Anatomy of a Migraine

I have been thinking about writing this entry for a while, gathering my thoughts. I have been experiencing migraines since, 1993. Wow, I didn't realize it was that long till I just wrote it. In college I would get them infrequently, once a month at best, at worst was once a week. Then they stopped for two years, very odd, maybe it was the accupressure that I was receiving for a while. And then they came back in 1997 and have been my bane ever since. I only went to the doctor again two and a half years ago, being a stay-at-home Dad is really difficult when you can't get out of bed. There were a lot more treatments out, as opposed to back in 1993 when I was first diagnosed ("Deal with them").

If you are squeamish, you might want to skip reading this one......

There is actually a perceptual difference as the "start" of the migraine process.....Michelle can usually tell a few hours earlier, she says that I slur my words (more then usual, just call me Mr. President). But my first noticeable symptom is usually neck pain. Typically it begins about halfway up my neck, slowly building in intensity. It takes a couple hours to progress in intensity, and as that is occurring the pain actually travels up my neck, up the back of my head and then settles over my eyes. Then the pain continues to build in depth, pressure,and any other form of describing the pain. The only place I can be, even to be considered more "comfortable" is in bed, with my hands over my eyes.

I get a couple other noteworthy symptoms while all this is happening, as well. First is photophobia, it isn't all that uncommon, but sensitivity to light can aggravate anything else that you might be feeling, especially when 99.99% of the time get migraines during the day. As I lie in bed, with my eyes squeezed shut, trying not to think about suicide, I typically get moving patterns of light. I watch them on my closed eyelids, I guess you could say that it is like driving backwards in a tunnel at night. Circles of light starting big and then getting smaller down to a point, then another large circle, and so on. Back in college it used to be like fireworks of light, but it is much different now.

I guess I also have some sound sensitivity, but that is a lot more boring then the rest of this.

Now, as the migraine progresses and tears me down, the nausea builds. If I am luck I have been trying to keep drinking water, especially with the increasing nausea. I can think of very few things that are worse then dry heaves, during a migraine. Possibly amputation of a limb, or maybe the permanent loss of one of the five senses. But it really depends on the circumstances. If I have been drinking water, then it is just regular throwing up.

Now you may find this hard to believe, but almost always it is 3 trips to the toilet. Very regular. After the trips to the bathroom there is always a bit of a reduction in the pain, but after the third throw-up fest the pain usually subsides rather rapidly.

Over the next hour or two there is a nearly complete dissipation of the pain, although there are some lasting effects. I'm usually weak from not having eaten anything in the last 8 or 9 hours, and yes that is the typical duration from start to finish, sometimes a bit longer. It take a whole day and makes it horrible. Also, typically, there is some muscle pain or fatigue from the dry heaving or vomiting.

One of the most frustrating things is that there is no sleeping during a migraine. People in the past have said: "Your just lying in bed, it must be nice. Enjoy the nap." I'm awake, conscious, bored, tired, frustrated, and more all through the event. It is not a vacation. It is not easy.

Thank all that is good, for medication. For years I only had tylenol to try and take the edge off, and I was probably taking way to much at any one time. Now as long as I get some of my prescription within the initial symptoms, I usually get a little nausea and fatigue (listed side effects of the drug), but it is so much of a relief to not have the fear of being crushed into pulp any day of the week. There have been a few other things that Michelle and I have found to be helpful in the prevention of the symptoms. Michelle read somewhere that there was a kind of pillow which more properly supports the neck at night. So I received the pillow for Christmas (actually I started using it a little before Christmas, don't tell Santa!) and I think it has made a noticeable reduction in frequency.

Another tip that I received was from a girl that I used to work with, she told me about some biofeedback ideas. In studies, it has been measured, that there are temperature changes in certain areas of the body before and during a migraine. Makes sense circulation changes are what causes a migraine, and they are what can cause a temperature change too. There is a decrease in temperature in the extremities, and an increase in temperature at the neck. So the biofeedback idea is to try and counter those symptoms to snap your body out of what is about to happen. I have used a pair of gloves on my hands, and an ice pack on my neck on more then one occasion. The results that I have gotten have been mixed, but it has worked, more then once.

I think that's about all that I can think of. I hope it was informative.

Age?

You Are 24 Years Old

24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Vodka and pills.

I think that it was Chris Rock who said that only people with money can be crazy. All the rest of us who are depressed or tired, overwhelmed or frustrated have to make do with what we got. Shrinks don't do pro bono work like lawyers do.

Oh, and this weeks Scrubs was OK, but certainly not as good as last week's.

Spill?

I don't think I could have made this up. It happened this morning:

Over the paper, Holly looked at me and then stood up in her chair. She leaned over and examined the half gallon of Orange Juice that was sitting on the table. She said quietly to herself that is was closed, and then looked over at me again.

"Can you spill this?"

"No, Holly, spills make a big mess. We don't want to make messes."

"Can you spill this?"

"No, Holly."

"Can you spill into my cup, please? And then I will spill it into my stomach."

"Ahhhhhhhh, of course, honey. Thank you for saying please."